See…the problem with anything called ‘About me’ is that it doesn’t leave you anywhere to hide. I might as well have dropped my Levis and bared my bum to the next door neighbour’s elderly granny. 

I admit it. I’ve been found out, stitched up, and well and truly rumbled good style. 

I’ve been sat at my desk for bloody hours trying to wriggle my way out of telling you anything substantial or even insubstantial about myself. 

Like…I’m extremely happily married with a beautiful wife and two great sons, one of whom is a personal trainer, and the other a sculptor. Damned thing never even entered my head.

I even went to the pub for a bit of liquid inspiration. 

Nada. Well…nada and Guinness.

The problem I wrestle with is that the ‘me’ in ‘About me’ isn’t really all that interesting, in my humble opinion.

Others, well one or two mad fools, disagree. 

I tell them I’m Scottish….they remind me that I’ve lived most of my life in England. 

I tell them I’m good natured…they insist I’m a grumpy old fart. 

I tell them I have a good sense of humour…they piss themselves laughing and say I’m bloody weird. 

My friends. 

So…I’ve decided that the less folk know about the REAL me the better. Trust me, it’s safer that way. 

And I have less explaining to do. Always a good thing. 
Anyway…before I let any cats out of any bags I’ll zip the old lip. 

Thanks for visiting the website. I hope that God, The Devil and the bartender entertain you every now and then. Preferably now. 

And I hope that Heaven Help Us makes the smile on your face just that teeny bit wider.

There…how was that?
“Damned fine!”
“Yeah…except for that bit about the thingy…”
What thingy?
“Ooooooh...can’t say. Our lips are sealed….aren’t they?” 
“Oh absolutely…”
“Except when we need to open them….like for eating and talking and stuff, right?”